Lily Allen - West End Girl

After a seven year hiatus from making music, Lily Allen recorded what can only be regarded as a musical Burn Book. Its cover, a painted portrait of herself gazing resolutely at the viewer, frames the juicy tracklist about her husband’s not-so-secret sexual escapades. After discovering actor David Harbour’s affairs in December of last year, Allen began recording West End Girl quickly thereafter, exposing not only her own secrets, but also her husband’s in a ruthless show of hands. Almost a year later, the album dropped just four days after its announcement. West End Girl is a candid reflection of Allen’s pain and disbelief at both Harbour’s betrayal of their relationship as well as her own betrayal of self. Each track marks Allen’s journey to acceptance both musically and lyrically. For starved fans, the drama couldn’t have enhanced the musical impact more.

West End Girl operates as the score for this tumultuous period of Allen’s life. It’s musical theater under the guise of pop music, all with Allen at the center working through her grief. Allen sets the denial stage with the album’s title track, a head-bopping walk through the moments before her relationship changed forever. The song’s bliss is interrupted abruptly by a recording of Allen speaking to her husband on the phone. Although listeners only hear Allen’s end of the conversation, they’re left to assume Harbour asked for an open relationship. Allen responds dejectedly that “it does not make [her] feel great,” but allows their relationship to open against her wishes, a mistake that starts the rollercoaster of questions that takes thirteen more tracks to work through. 

“Baby, won't you tell me that I'm still your number one? / 'Cause you're my number one” continues Allen. All she wants is to be Harbour’s first choice, but that spot is reserved for the next person on his kiss list. Separated by the gaping Atlantic ocean and unsure about the state of her marriage, Allen feels herself fading into the background of her husband’s life. She falls deeper into her grief, now fueled by confusion and anger. “Ruminating” is a turn-the-bass-up and dance song, full of euphoric, dizzying, head-swaying club sounds. The vibrant production is the distraction Allen needs while she thinks about what Harbour has asked of her. She’s angry and energized, questioning the very moment after the call ended. It’s her angriest song on the album, and it takes only one listen to know why. The cursed story continues, “‘Who said romance isn't dead? Been no romance since we wed / ‘Why aren't we fucking baby?’ / And nothing to do with them girls in your bed.” Allen brings up what’s been said – the hypocrisy and double standards. She’s near rapping, with vocals that sound like the young, naive Lily Allen of “Smile,” a glimpse into how she’s the same quippy girl from the West End of London that she’s always been. The story keeps going and we hear “Sleepwalking’s” instrumentals crescendo in with a musical mash-up of Allen’s safe and secure feelings from “West End Girl” mixed with “Ruminating’s” clubbing confusion. She doesn’t want to be his “Madonna” or be put on a pedestal, she wants to be his wife – the only woman he loves and is intimate with; something she can no longer take for granted.

“Tennis” is where the affair is revealed and the bargaining begins. “If it was just sex, I wouldn't be jealous / You won't play with me / And who's Madeline?” Allen feels like she’s caught in the middle of a tennis match that she didn’t even know she was playing. She confronts “Madeline” in the next track, revealing the terms of their arrangement, “Be discreet and don't be blatant / There had to be payment / It had to be with strangers / But you're not a stranger, Madeline.” No longer does she feel respected or wanted by her husband. What once was their secret complicated arrangement, now feels like a padded excuse for Harbour to do whatever he wants. 

Unfortunately for Harbour and the rest of the Stranger Things crew, Allen released “Pussy Palace,” a song about Harbour with some of the most jaw-dropping lyrics of the year, in the midst of the show's season five press tour. “Duane Reade bag with the handles tied / Sex toys, butt plugs, lube inside / Hundreds of Trojans, you're so fucking broken.” Shocking as it is, Allen’s problem isn’t with the kind of sex Harbour wants to have, it’s about his disrespect of boundaries they set in their marriage. She grieves what once was a sacred relationship built on the promise of love, loyalty, and freedom. All that's left are the scattered shreds of stories she remembers much too clearly. Before she lets her fans get too angry at Harbour, “Nonmonogamummy” starts and we hear the one and only feature on the album, a “musical” non-monogamous relationship with Specialist Moss. “I've been trying to be open / I just want to meet your needs / And for some reason I revert to people pleasing / I'll be your non-monogamummy.” But it isn’t her reality, and she isn’t made for the non-monogamous life, just as Harbour isn’t made for a monogamous one. 

The last five tracks display a devastating resolve of depression and acceptance. They sound much the same but feel like the grueling destruction of Allen’s sense of self. Allen pours her heart and soul out and expects no answer. She realizes that the past five years of her relationship has always been this way, and that isn’t okay with her anymore. West End Girl is how Allen gets to tell her side of the story. It's bold, heartbreaking, and jaw dropping. Above it all, she’s just a West End girl and she’s finally ready to return home.